School books, Play books and the Cost of Free Money

So, I have a 16 year-old. He likes cars, girls, football, and sleeping late. The first three require hard work, a little head scratching and lots of attention. And still, a bit of mystery remains. Some of that he’ll learn to appreciate later in life. To that end, we have our share of life-lesson conversations. These are often awkward and circular conversations where I (try to) impart wisdom from past successes and failures. They’re not always well spoken, nor are they always well received, but I’m prayerful they’ll benefit him as he moves through adolescence into adulthood. As his mother and I have learned, nothing with a teenager is better left unsaid. If you believe for a second it’s worth hearing? Say it. Then say it again. And when you think you’ve said it enough, say it one more time. You were a teenager once.

Here’s one such topic: Planning for College

Here’s how I introduced college funding to my son (who was 14 at the time):

“You’re my boy, and I love you. But I married your mom and she comes first.” Translation: You better learn that playbook and keep your grades up because a scholarship may be your best bet for college funding.

“Did he just say he’s putting the burden of paying for college on his kid?”
Yes. He did.

More to the point, I’m telling him he’s going to share in the responsibility. In this dad’s opinion, the sooner he hears that message the better. I want my sons to appreciate the opportunity for higher education and (I believe) that’s more likely to happen if they take ownership for the costs as well. Financial costs are easy to grasp: $20K per year, more or less. Opportunity costs, however, are not so easy to quantify but are just as important to understand. It’s possible, is it not, that time invested in academics or athletics can lead to scholarships? Of course, though nothing’s guaranteed. So let’s say junior receives a full scholarship. Fantastic. But that scholarship likely comes at a cost. Time. Time that could have been spent _________ (insert teenage activity here) that he may never get back. Opportunities in his younger years that may never come around again. And to him, these are real costs. You were a teenager once.

So why do it?
Why should he choose to invest such time and effort into something
that’s nowhere close to a sure thing?

I won’t address that. That’s his question to answer. And that’s the heart of the lesson, isn’t it? I want him to wrestle with that question now, while he has his options before him. He could: study harder, practice harder, (Studying and practicing hard are givens.), work while in school, plan for school loans, plan not to go to college at all, or some combination of the above. His options are before him.

Becoming a good steward of time, talents and resources is a lesson in character building.

Sometimes there’s no right or wrong answer – there are just consequences. And not all consequences are bad – sometimes they’re just that…consequences. That gray area can be hard for a young man just trying to do the next right thing. And that’s okay. It’s a lesson one can’t begin learning soon enough, and that’s why we had the conversation two years ago. At the time, he was focused on getting a ride to the pool and finding enough change for the neighborhood ice cream truck. And there I was asking him for his college funding plan.

“So two years later; how’s he doing?” you ask. “What’s his plan?”

Thanks for asking. He’s a pitcher on the varsity baseball team and a quarterback for the varsity football team. He’s currently number two in his class with a 4.34 GPA, having just ceded the top spot a few weeks ago to a young man who’s name I can’t spell nor pronounce. Athletic and academic accomplishments aside, he’s an outstanding young man and we could not be prouder. He’s not perfect, but he’s learning.  And being a good steward of his time, talents and resources is a skill set that will prove invaluable throughout his life – whether he earns a scholarship or not.

I’ll do whatever I can – short of sacrificing my retirement with their mom – to help my kids go to college should they so desire. But they’re diving in with me. And they’ll know that plans made today can and will affect the opportunities for tomorrow. College is great and all, but some of the best lessons in life will be taught in the home. Also something he’ll appreciate later in life.